The Elephants in my Room

It usually starts with dreaming. It used to be I would be back in high school, failing a class that I'd never attended but expected to take the final for and would most certainly fail. I was always as I am now, a married woman with two kids and two college degrees under her belt. But that wouldn't matter and I'd still be expected to pass this test to get out of high school. It was awful. The dreams have morphed into making it to my plane on time. Everything goes wrong and I miss the flight and therefore the entire trip! Usually I have these dreams a few nights and then after some contemplation and admittance of my denial and avoidance, I start to face what I've been ignoring.
First, my "maternity leave" needs to come to an end. I don't want it to. I want to stay home with my babies. I always have. Yet, I've also always felt very strongly that I need to maintain my certification and continue to work at least a little bit. My dream job was in Utah. Saturdays only whenever I wanted. M would stay with her Daddy and I worked eight hours and got paid buku bucks for it. It was delightful and I loved the hospital. That job isn't available here yet, so I need to find something else. I know it. We can't live with my parents forever. I need to get a job. But I don't want to.
Second, my continuing ed for said working is due at the end of this month. So, of course I'm scrambling to get it done! :) I have to have thirty hours and honestly I thought I was way over what I needed. But this fall I sadly discovered that my continuing ed for 2005 doesn't count and so now I'm way under! Argh! Luckily, my dear old college friend, Jen, showed me some FREE online courses to take. So, I'm taking them all and praying I have the discipline to do them in the next twenty one days!!!
Third, and final, we need a stable job and home. I am trying to give W some leeway here. He hated his job in Utah for nine months. So I'm truly enjoying this temp job simply because he comes home happy everyday and I am not dreading the answer to "how was your day?" As much as I love living with my Mom (I truly do, it's fun being with her everyday, she's one of my best friends) I need my own home. It's been a long year! My kids need immunizations and well checks and AR Kids is still pending, my hubby and I need insurance, my Synthroid is going to run out soon. We need a good job. And it will come. I know it will. But until then, that elephant is going to sit right at the foot of my bed.

Admittance is the first step to recovery, right?