In December, my doctor told me that he thought my fertility was being affected by weight gain.
I have had an internal fight with myself for the past four months, mostly in denial, but also a great deal of avoidance. I refuse to get the blood tests he wants done because I'm terrified of the results.
But recently I've come to the conclusion that I am even more terrified of facing myself if I ruin my own chances at having more children.
I easily got pregnant twice and expected my luck would hold. For the past year and a half, however, as I've gained more weight, my cycle has completely gone crazy. And it hasn't been as easy as I thought.
I don't like talking about it. I don't like working on it. I don't want to do it. But I know that I need to do it. And I know that I need to want to do it. I also know that I desperately need all the help I can get.
I'm ridiculously addicted to fried food. I crave it. Chick Fil A is my best friend. And I have truly deluded myself into thinking that because of my job (working out of my car) and my schedule (working until six three days a week, and kids that won't eat ANYthing that comes out of a crock pot) made it okay.
It started last month where I would challenge myself to a week of no fried food and then fail miserably. Then on Monday night, I had a breakdown to my husband. He is supportive and loving but I think he's a little scared to have me report to him. He doesn't want to deal with my wrath if he has to remind me to exercise or what to choose to eat. And I didn't think I needed to report to him. But I do. Oh, I really do.
So, this week we are BOTH eating no fried food. Yesterday I exercised. Tonight we ARE both going to exercise and tomorrow I WILL exercise again. I WILL exercise five times this week.
Because I need to. Because I need to want to. And because if we don't have that third baby I crave so desperately, it is NO longer going to be my fault.
15 comments:
I'm SO proud of you! You are brave. You are facing your fears and accounting for your actions rather than avoiding them...that's not something many people do.
I know I don't live close anymore, but if it helps (it will certainly help me) I will do it along with you too. I'm struggling again with finding motivation to exercise and would love be held accountable. Maybe a simple daily text saying "I did it today!" Let me know what you think.
i love this. i know you can do it....
I get this! Not in weight loss but in another area of my life that I am facing my fears and dealing with right now. You can do this. It's hard, it's going to suck at times, but in the end it's so worth it. At least that is what I tell myself. Good luck--we're here for you!
So proud of you! It's so hard to make a lifestyle change, even when you know the outcome is worth it. Good luck, you'll be in my thoughts!
oh friend, it is a hard fight. learning to be brave comes in so many forms. you are fighting for a noble and worthy cause... not just for a baby, but for your children's health and your own. i respect your notable and worthy goals. xoxo, Jen
I'm so proud of you. I love you and know you will make it.
Way to go Liz!!! I'm so happy you are recognizing what needs to be done so you can get back on track with your family goals:) If you need help, I'm totally here for you. If you need quick recipes, ways to make food you love but a healthier version is my specialty:) You can do this, you will have hurdles you have to jump and you will have days you binge and feel guilty, it's all normal but I call it a "do over" the next day. Whatever you need from me to kick your butt to keep you motivated I'm here for you!! I'm excited for you:)
I am so glad that you have such loving and supportive friends. It is a hard, hard thing that you are facing. I am proud of you and know that you can do it. I too will help and offer my encouragement and support.
I love you. No matter what!
Mom
You can do this! I am so proud of you for being this brave to share with everyone! My brother-in-law has lost 140 lbs since July just by eating better & exercising. They cook a lot from skinnytaste.com
Good luck friend, I know you can do this!
By the way, one trick for me in the morning, are the Costco (Kirkland) Weight-loss shakes. I drink them mainly because the small amount of time I have for breakfast in the morning. They hold me over until lunch, which is great!
You have lots of support from family and friends. I am here for you. I have bee struggling the last few years too and I need to lose and keep the weight off too. I love our LA Fitness and need to go more often. I've tried lots of tricks and I need more. I'm with you and I love you and your family no matter what.
oh my friends! i'm so overwhelmed by all your love and support! i really debated posting this and i'm so thankful for your kind words and comments!
Liz, my heart is swelling for you! I know this is a difficult journey. As you know, I've been overweight most of my life...& clearly obese most of my adult life. I never believed I was capable of being more fit. But I've now lost 70 lbs! It's difficult getting started, but once you learn & practice, it's rather easy to maintain a healthier lifestyle. I used SparkPeople.com (free) to track food, fitness, & other goals....& to get support & accountability from other members. I also used it to learn a ba-gillion things about nutrition, fitness, & general wellness. I understand too having a crazy schedule (grad student, therapist, mom, wife, etc.), & sometimes eating fast food is unavoidable. For this, I bought "Eat This, Not That," & I keep it in my glovebox. So when I have to stop at Taco Bell or whatever, I look in my book & let it "tell me" what to order. I feel better than I have in years, & there is never a day that I regret my new lifestyle. It's a difficult journey to start, Liz, & you may wobble back & forth a bit in the beginning (as anyone would starting something new....basketball, tennis, singing, etc.......they all take practice & screw-ups along the way....this is no different), but if you have the right frame of mind about those wobbles, you can hop right back on the wagon the next day or next meal or whatever. (Just remember that one slip-up doesn't derail all of your efforts; thus, one slip-up shouldn't influence you to wait until the next week or next month to start anew.) We all believe in you, Liz, & we're all cheering you on. Let me know if you want some accountability....or add me on SparkPeople ("JOYEISH") if you want to track together. You got this, Liz!!!
You can do it! So proud of you! Some of my favorite "healthy" cookbooks: Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, King Arthur's Whole Grain Baking, and Moosewood Classics (any Moosewood book--these are veggie, though). Good luck!!!
You are awesome! You can totally do this! I have complete faith in you - just remember what I always tell Riley, don't get overwhelmed by the big picture. Just one day at a time :)
I will keep you in my prayers.
Love you
Liz! I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!! How have I not come here more often?!?! I'm linking you to mine -now! you are such an awesome person! I'm so glad I get to serve with you:) YOU CAN DO IT! (when you come get Downton Abbey I'll show you some pics of me 70 lbs heavier-I don't show many people) & if I can do it- you definitely can:) Kudos to you!!!!!
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