I read lots of blogs and probably comment more. I write lots of posts and then promptly delete them when I realize how pitiful they sound. And then I get back to normal. Normal-ish....
And it's been one long roller coaster of a pity party over here. From poor motherhood skills, to eating habits, to loneliness, to lack of romance. You name it, and I was down on it.
And then I sat down in Relief Society on Sunday alone and listened to wonderful Ceanne ask if any of us were going through a personal trial, maybe big or maybe small but overwhelmed nonetheless. Of course the answer was yes for all of us across the room. And then she reminded me of something that I'd forgotten and pridefully ignored through my personal crisis. She shared a story about her husband and I remembered that I had not prayed about it. I'd felt sorry about it. I'd felt hopeless about it. I'd whined and complained endlessly to my sweet hubby about it, but I hadn't poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father about it and humbled myself and asked for help. Tears poured down my cheeks as I realized I knew exactly what I needed to do, and I looked around a little embarrassed that no one else was reacting that way. But that part of the lesson was for me so it was okay that I cried like a baby.
I think the lesson was on prayer. I will never truly know because my squirmy worm got noisy after that and we ended up out in the hall for the rest of the time. But I'm thankful for the snippet I got. I don't exactly know how to solve my worries and fix my problems yet. But I'm thankful for the reminder that I'm not alone in them. And the reminder that it's my own fault and I need to depend more wholly on my Heavenly Father for the strength and power to overcome them. And to get back to being me.